Silent endurance
I had never faced a situation like this earlier. The term cancer is itself dreadful. Mentally I wanted to become strong to face the situation . I consoled myself that all my worldly responsibilities are over. My children are well placed and settled and they are giving me support which at that time was precious, confidence building and power of love and affection. I remember the day when I had bone biopsy, I pleaded the Doctor to be gentle and make it pain free. I had not been sick throughout my life and do not remember to have a prick and to face a Doctorr as a patient. I tried my best at times to project myself as a doctor to the nurses and the doctors at AIIMS to gain their sympathy and gentle treatment.
Reverse condition – myself being a doctor,I had gone through many situations where the patient wanted my attention, but things went as routine. I remember that on 2nd Jan 2003 I had first chemotherapy. I was very apprehensive, nervous – the chemotherapy needed mixture of drugs given by intervenous route for a period of 4 hrs – first experience of my life. But I cannot run away. Surrounded by family members I had chemotherapy which gradually became a routine. In total 9 chemotherapies, each chemotherapy made me sick for 2-3 days, disturbed me with negative thoughts. I tried to be brave and went through the procedure as adviced. By april 2003 I was bald, no eyebrows, I had no concentration, felt sick all week. Chemotherapy was repeated every 3 weeks. Ordeal finished in june but I was further advised to have radiotherapy.
I decided to have radiotherapy in Patna. I Got 22 exposures. By jan 2004 my treatment was finished. It took me nearly 6 months to go back to my own health, mental frame and daily routine work. Subsequent events and my deteriorating health problem were directly proportional to the chemo and radiotherapy. In late 2004 and early 2005 I developed mouth ulcers and bowel disorder. Later I became anemic and since one year I am on Blood Transfusion. I owe my life to my known and unknown donors, friends and relatives who have arranged and are still arranging for blood. My disease inspite of the aggressive treatment did not regress and after 8 months there was a relapse. In May 2005 I had confirmed report of relapse through biopsy and CT X-ray and was advised further chemotherapy. I decided against chemotherapy. By now I had known its complications and I thought that further chemotherapy will make me disable. I decided for alternative medicine, Ayurvedic. I am taking the medicine for the last 8 months. Life goes on without social involvement. Weak and frail with edema feet, anemic I am not in a position to move out. I am hanging to my life till life is with me.
(Taken from daddy's last few writings...)
Reverse condition – myself being a doctor,I had gone through many situations where the patient wanted my attention, but things went as routine. I remember that on 2nd Jan 2003 I had first chemotherapy. I was very apprehensive, nervous – the chemotherapy needed mixture of drugs given by intervenous route for a period of 4 hrs – first experience of my life. But I cannot run away. Surrounded by family members I had chemotherapy which gradually became a routine. In total 9 chemotherapies, each chemotherapy made me sick for 2-3 days, disturbed me with negative thoughts. I tried to be brave and went through the procedure as adviced. By april 2003 I was bald, no eyebrows, I had no concentration, felt sick all week. Chemotherapy was repeated every 3 weeks. Ordeal finished in june but I was further advised to have radiotherapy.
I decided to have radiotherapy in Patna. I Got 22 exposures. By jan 2004 my treatment was finished. It took me nearly 6 months to go back to my own health, mental frame and daily routine work. Subsequent events and my deteriorating health problem were directly proportional to the chemo and radiotherapy. In late 2004 and early 2005 I developed mouth ulcers and bowel disorder. Later I became anemic and since one year I am on Blood Transfusion. I owe my life to my known and unknown donors, friends and relatives who have arranged and are still arranging for blood. My disease inspite of the aggressive treatment did not regress and after 8 months there was a relapse. In May 2005 I had confirmed report of relapse through biopsy and CT X-ray and was advised further chemotherapy. I decided against chemotherapy. By now I had known its complications and I thought that further chemotherapy will make me disable. I decided for alternative medicine, Ayurvedic. I am taking the medicine for the last 8 months. Life goes on without social involvement. Weak and frail with edema feet, anemic I am not in a position to move out. I am hanging to my life till life is with me.
(Taken from daddy's last few writings...)
posted by Anjali at
5/05/2011 08:25:00 PM
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