Changing patterns in behaviour & emotions during disease

written by Dr. Anjani Kishore Prasad
I am giving my personal experience on how disease affects mind, thoughts, behaviour and emotions. During the early phase, whenever it was pointed out to me about my tremor, I skipped over and changed the subject. When it became apparent in face and gait I was mentally disturbed. How could I hide my disease? Being a professional it could have effect on my medical practice. Patients would hesitate for operations because I had tremors. Still I carried on with some explanations. Friends advised me not to give out my diagnosis and its relative disability to known and unknown patients and relatives. I followed it. But mentally, I was disturbed. This dishonesty in behavior and thoughts was alien to me. Slowly but, with confidence I described my disease to a few and later on I found that it has not made a tremendous impact on my medical practice. So far I was doing well with my limited disability. My practice did not suffer.

Next Phase brought a sea of change in my thoughts.This was related to my Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and its treatment. Chemotherapy made me dull, physically unacceptable and emotionally detached. With loss of hair, I was advised to use a wig! Other advises were to be socially present everywhere so that I may remain in circulation. I decided against a wig. I tried to develop positive thoughts to change the situation. It was not possible to be socially present everywhere with a sick face, bald head, no eyebrows. That was a phase when I believed I became an escapist. Loss of energy and vitality brought about lack of concentration emotion and confidence. I was present among the family members and social places but with certain feelings which I cannot describe, in which thinking of getting away from the function, not participating in jokes and function were prime thoughts.

Another phase came and I had total lack of concentration, not appreciating the circumstances and environment. This was a phase when a positive confidence changed into a negative attitude. I avoided social gatherings, professional meetings and marriages and parties. Just avoiding, not because of any physical inability but rather what I would say, a period of depression. I tried my best to read books on how to conquer negative thoughts of depression into positive thoughts. Purnima was always encouraging me to lead a life as I had led and behaved, not to remain detached and isolated. Finally I accepted my fate and in my wisdom the consequences of life. I made Peace with Life. Though helpless physically, I always give a brave face, but in hearts of hearts everything was artificial.

And now, I find myself clinging to my own life, fully dependent. Though everyone wants to help, I behave in a selfish way. I am selfish to that extent that I don’t think anything about others except myself. My worst phase I believe is still to come, loss of practice will bring a tight and strained financial situation. This phase I must conquer.It is not financial aid that I am looking for, but how to manage my own finances and still keep myself happy and contented. I know that somewhere expenses have to be tuned, but it should not obviously reflect on the living standard.
To overcome all these problems I thought religious learnings will give peace. I bought religious books but I did not find much interest in those. I did study The Gita but one reading is not sufficient. As the teaching goes in the Gita you have to surrender to God- mentally, physically and emotionally doing your own duty assigned to you. God will help you.
Looking at Purnima, I believe that study of religious books increases your religious knowledge, but does not make you religious. Basic is meditation and prayer and the rituals of worshipping God that I observed from Purnima, which may follow in me. I am told there is great strength in prayer, meditation and faith.

Doordarshan unforgetables

I came across a very popular and cute doordarshan film 'ek titali anek titaliyan' ! Some of you might still remember it. I found it in someone's blog and thought of sharing it with you. (Click on update 3 )http://www.arjunprabhu.com/blog/archives/2005/04/30/ek-titali-anek-titaliya/
You can also listen to 'mile sur mera tumhara' here,video is not available.You may have to download Media player. I remember we used to come running to the TV at the very sound of these.
Now thinking about it, I recall a few of the advertisements which cast an impression on our childish minds.
1) Jab main chota ladka thaa,badi sharaarat karta thaa
Meri chori pakdi jaati....................jab roshan hua bajaj
Kya rangeen jawani thii,ek raja aur ek rani thii
Raja-rani pakday jaatay.............jab roshan hua bajaj
Ab main bilkul budha hoon,goli khake jita hoon
Lekin aaj bhi ghar kay andar.......jab roshan hua bajaj !!
2) Waah Raju,tumhare daant to motiyon jaise chamak rahe hain.
per masterji aapke?? colgate
3) bhala uski kameez meri kameez say safed kaise? Safedi ki chamkaar SuperRin say !!
4) Lalitajee.....Bhaisaheb........she was famous for surf (I think).Does anybody remember?
5) Washing powder nirma.........Doodh si safedi,nirma say aaye
rangeen kapda bhi khil-khil jaaye.....sabki pasand nirma !!
6) achooo..........!! Yeh kya haal bana rakha hai,kuch letay kyon nahi?
Bahut si dawaayiyan li sir, koi faayda nahi
Coldarin li ?? ........Sardi say aaraam ,chusti say chale kaam.......Coldarin !!
7) Lifebuoy hai jahan...tandaroosti hai wahaan !!
8) Sunday ho ya monday ...roz khaao ande !!
9) Thumps up,taste the thunder !
10) Badi nazon say paali humari banno tujhe haldi ka uptan lagaye sakhiya
teri kaaya ko chanchal banaye sakhiya...roop nikhar aaya hai vicco termeric say !

I will end it here now,though some more are actually hoovering over my mind.
Some shows like Show theme,chitrahaar,Quiz time,Yeh jo hai zindagi, Fauji, Malgudi days and Moghli with the famous song 'jungle jungle baat chali hai' used to be my favourites.

Write about your favourites on doordarshan oldies.It would be fun to read them !!